WHO doesn’t know those bonkers ex-couples?
The ones that wreak revenge with a Hurricane Irma attitude to all those in their path?
Destroying anything – including their kids – that happen to be in their way.
Such couples thrive in the on-off marital battlefield – and Doctor Foster has spun two series out of this quest for revenge and the upper hand. But for the rest of us, it is exhausting to witness.
Gate-crashing your ex’s wedding? Classy, Gemma!
Having sex with your ex-wife while your new wife cares for a toddler at home? Slow-hand clap, Simon!
Their hatred-fuelled obsession with one another means that anyone – friends, family, romantic partners – unfortunate enough to stay still long enough gets caught in the firing line and inevitably finds themselves wounded.
That other lives are devastated isn’t Gemma (Suranne Jones) and Simon’s problem. They’re just collateral damage in their war on one another.
Simon (Bertie Carvel) – akin to an alpha male dog marking his territory – is from the “have his cake and eat it” mold of men.
What bloke struts back into town with a new family? Rubbing his ex’s nose in the face of his shiny new life, wife and darling daughter?
Who doesn’t know those silverback males who continually try to rein in the missus he dumped – telling her she’s attractive and sending flowers.
Talk about twisting Gemma’s melons. Is it any wonder she is la-la?
We all know someone like Gemma. A fruit loop in a suit. Up and down like a see-saw.
Snooping round your ex’s home? If they’re posh we blame their hormones. But if Gemma wore a onesie and lived in a council flat, they’d be on the phone to social services.
The line “Parents, They F**k You Up” is often bandied about by exasperated family court judges.
Tom should know. Thanks to the bananas Gemma and Simon he has been expelled, acted inappropriately with a female friend and is clueless as to which parent has truly got his back.
Then he had to listen to the toxic twosome hump away having angry ex-sex on the very surface he doubtless eats his brekky on.
Any child who has seen parents warring this way knows there is only one person they are focused on – and it ain’t the kids.
It’s why therapists in the western world will never be out of business.
Our obsession with the Toxic Twosome only works because they both live in Parminster’s plushest palaces – both with a good taste in interiors and a penchant for reassuringly expensive clothes.
If they were screeching at each other Shameless style we’d wouldn’t – couldn’t – condone their conduct.
But this venomous couple hell-bent on destroying one another seem to get away with almost anything.
Manipulating their friends for ammo on one another? Then plotting their downfall? This is a couple who know where the line has been drawn in polite society but confidently strut over it.
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Try telling Gemma and Simon that the best form of revenge is metaphorically flicking two fingers in the face of the other one and moving on. Neither will rest until the other is six feet under.
Plotting and going all out to settle the score are deeds that belong in the Wild West. They don’t belong in the lives of smart modern couples – do they?
Doctor Foster concludes tonight at 9pm on BBC One – and it could be the last ever.