“Hey, I don’t wanna look like a Hemsworth anymore. Can we do this instead?” I message my personal trainer along with a photo of a super ripped body.
It was unlike any body I’d ever seen before. Defined pecs, pumped biceps, trunk-like forearms. It’s clear this guy doesn’t skip leg day.
It wasn’t one of those superficially fit bodies that you might get after a few months of doing the old lady classes at an inner-city gym. This body was built over years with grit and sweat outside the walls of a shiny Fitness First. It was built in the wild.
I’m gonna say it: Kangaroos have gotten hot and I’m totally jealous.
Over the past 12 months, Australia has seen a noticeable rise in hot kangaroos. No longer are they going for that slim and slender look that was all the rage in the ’80s when Skippy was in his heyday.
Times have changed. Now, it’s all about size and definition as demonstrated by this old mate who was caught shooting the breeze in a stream this week, probably between push-up sets.
‘Sup bro.’Source:Caters News Agency
Hot kangaroos are growing in numbers and there’s enough of them to make their own racy calendar or compete in their own Cosmopolitan Bachelor of The Year contest.
And this increase in ripped kangaroos is in direct proportion to my sinking body confidence.
Remember the days when we’d just compete with each other? Then we started comparing ourselves to celebrities and hot people on Instagram.
When high schoolers began getting ripped a few years ago, I gave up. Suddenly, cohorts of Channing Tatums began graduating and interning around my office and calling me “matey”, even though I was older than them. My already crappy self esteem plummeted further. I could no longer compete.
And now kangaroos are also better looking than me.
‘You even lift?’Source:Supplied
It’s my own fault really.
I have a ridiculous relationship with my body. I want to look like Buddy Franklin but then I insist on only doing exercises I find on Michelle Bridges’ Instagram and wonder why I look like a lady.
I don’t know what kind of fitness program these hot kangaroos are on. I imagine something with high-weight, low-reps and bursts of sprints to keep their body fat percentage down. They probably also go around bragging about not eating sugar and never drinking wine.
Well, I have a job, hot kangaroos, and sometimes wine and Pizza Shapes are the only good part of my day, so go jam it.
It’s an epidemic that’s snuck up on us, but it’s become clear kangaroos in the media are setting an unrealistic example of what a healthy and attainable body looks like and society (probably just me) is falling victim to damaging self-comparison that can have long term effects.
Now, if you excuse me, I have to go eat Pizza Shapes while scrolling through Michelle Bridges’ Instagram.
Thanks. Three Kangaroos Brawl at Wildlife Shelter. Credit – Cristalee Park Wildlife Shelter via StoryfulSource: Supplied