EVERYBODY knows that kids can be demanding and sometimes parents just need a little breathing space.
And to grab a moment’s peace, sometimes it is easier to tell your little ones a little white lie to get them to behave.
We’re all guilty of telling these “convenient parenting truths” and surely a little fib doesn’t harm anyone?
So how many of these have you told your kids?
1. Santa is always watching you
A friend of mine sets up a camera on the mantelpiece and when the children are misbehaving will point to it and say, “Just remember, Santa is watching and won’t bring you any presents.”
2. You’re allergic to McDonald’s
Nothing makes swerving the drive-thru easier than claiming that your little angel has a Ronald McDonald food intolerance.
3. The bottle fairy came and took the bottles
Want to wean your toddler off of his nightly bottle and fast? Just say that the bottle fairly took them away in the night and the shops have run out.
4. Paw Patrol have gone to bed
Had quite enough of Paw Patrol’s never ending theme tune by bed time? Well, no, they can’t have ‘one last one’ because sadly, Sky, Rebel, Zuma and the gang have retired to bed.
5. We’ll cancel your birthday
Nothing stops a tantrum in its tracks like the prospect of no presents, cake or balloons.
6. Lies will turn your tongue spotty
That way, Mummy will know for sure if you’ve been lying so don’t even try buddy, because you won’t be getting away with it. And if you’ve got a spot on your tongue? Well, you must have been telling porky pies.
7. Trees are green because they are happy
And when they turn brown and fall off it’s because they are sad. Nothing to do with chlorophyll whatsoever.
8. The ice cream van only plays music when it’s run out
It’s an oldie but a goodie when you just can’t face scrabbling around for enough change for an overpriced 99.
9. Soft play only opens when it’s raining
Any half-truth will do to keep me away from the fresh hell of soft play as much as humanly possible. Only in extreme circumstances will we endure its terror.
10. ‘Mummy how do you know all the words to this song?’
Because I wrote it, darling. You are a mum of many talents!
11. I’m phoning Santa
When things get too much, I whip out my iPhone and ‘phone Santa’ to tell him to cancel Christmas.
12. The batteries have run out
In fact, the batteries are perfectly fine. But that toy is so loud and annoying it needed to be silenced indefinitely.
13. ‘Sorry, these chocolate have wine in them’
An excellent excuse for the parent who doesn’t want to share their best box of chocs. Well, you don’t go around chomping up their Milkybars. Well, not when they are awake, anyway.
14. Sorry, it’s *insert age a year older than child* plus
This is particularly effective when it comes to those insert a pound ride on things that try to mug you at shopping centres.
15. Mummy’s tired today
Mummy’s got an absolute stinker of a hangover.
Follow Amy on Instagram @solo.mamma.