NEVER before have the hideous consequences of cheating been as graphically illustrated as on hit BBC1 drama Doctor Foster.
No wonder Dr Foster’s long-suffering neighbour Anna, played by Victoria Hamilton, thought it best to grudgingly tolerate her own husband’s infidelities.
But eventually she decided she could not live that way and ended to her marriage to Neil.
‘I even pick out women for Pete to sleep with’
SARA JEFFERIES actively encourages her partner Pete Thomas, 29, to cheat.
She even finds him women she thinks he will be attracted to.
The pair live together in Fulham, South West London, have been together for five years.
Assistant restaurant manager Sara, 28, says:
“Pete and I went on holiday to Ibiza this summer with a group of friends. One night we were all a bit tipsy when Pete disappeared. Later we found him in a corner kissing another woman.
“Our friends were horrified and concerned for me. But I amazed them all by saying, ‘It’s fine. I’m used to it.’
“The fact is I have given Pete a licence to cheat. I’ll even pick out women I think he will find attractive and encourage him.
“None of our friends can understand it and ask how I can cope with the jealousy. But it’s an understanding between us.
“We love each other very much, but I believe it isn’t possible for men to have a monogamous relationship.
“We met through friends, and early on in our relationship we had a conversation about fidelity. I’d just come out of a five-year relationship after my partner cheated on me and lied to me about it.
“It hurt so much it made me determined not to feel that pain again. To me, lying is far worse than infidelity.
It keeps our own sex life very fresh and exciting
Sara Jefferieson relationship
“Our relationship is based on trust — we trust each other not to hurt each other, and to be totally honest.
“We discuss, in detail, his sexual conquests. It isn’t a case of turning a “blind eye” — I know what’s doing at all times because he tells me.
“We do have rules. He can’t have sex with other people in our own home, and we always put each other first.
“The only time we’ve had a big row about it was when Pete stood me up on a dinner date for another woman.
“I was all dressed up, waiting for him, and he didn’t come because he was with another woman. I was furious, that broke the rules.
“Neither of us want children — I think if you have kids then the dynamic of the relationship changes.
“He doesn’t have lots of other partners, last year he slept with four or five women. The rule is not to fall in love.
“If he fell in love with someone else, then it would be over. This is just about sex, not love. It also keeps our own sex life very fresh and exciting — he always practises safe sex.
“While many people are mystified by our approach and cannot quite believe it, this works for us. I have Pete’s back and he has mine, and we have a mature, honest and loving relationship which just happens to include Pete being able to see other women.”
‘I agreed to let him roam but trust was ruined’
SECRETARY Nuria Parizaad, 35, decided to turn a blind eye to her husband’s cheating to save her marriage but says it ended in disaster.
Nuria, from Islington, North London, is now separated from husband Rohan, 38, and is single.
She says: “I decided I could not cope with the lies and the cheating anymore. Once the trust has gone in a relationship, you are left with only stress and anger.
“I thought I could manage by turning a blind eye and we could stay together, but now I can see that being faithful is the only way forward in a marriage.
“We married in a lovely ceremony and I had high hopes for the marriage.
“For the first two or three years, as far as I know, he was faithful.
“Then, out of the blue, I found a text message on his phone, from a female friend of ours. It was very flirtatious, and made it clear they were having an affair.
“I was heartbroken and couldn’t believe it. I felt a deep sense of jealousy and betrayal. What’s more, she was a close friend of mine.
“How could he do this to me? We sat down, and had a long discussion. We both agreed we did not want to separate because we still loved each other. I expressed my anger, but he said there was already a distance between us.
Worm of jealousy was destroying me
Nuria Parizaadon relationship
“My husband and our “friend” agreed not to see each other again, but the damage was done.
“By now our sexual relationship was not great — eroded by jealousy and doubt. He said he had needs as a man, and we came to an agreement we’d stay married, and I’d turn a blind eye to his affairs.
“He’s a handsome man, who isn’t short of offers. We carried on living in the same house, pretending everything was normal. The thing is, once you lose the trust in your relationship everything else is damaged.
“We held it together, paying the mortgage, talking about bills — anything but what was actually happening to us. The worm of jealousy inside me was destroying me, and I suffered sleeplessness and felt very stressed.
“He was not blatant, and was very subtle about his affairs, but I knew from the look on his face, the hidden texts on his phone, he had another life away from me.
“I never checked up on him — I didn’t rifle through his pockets, I didn’t check credit card bills. I just sailed along pretending everything was fine, but inside my world was crumbling.
“Six years ago we decided we could not carry on. We are now separated, but not divorced. If I ever get married again it will have to be a faithful one.
“You can pretend you are being “adult” in turning a blind eye, but the truth is a marriage in which there are affairs is not a true marriage and it won’t last.”
- Names have been changed